Thursday, July 12, 2012

Don't Want to Be a Twitter "Twit"

So I'm at the point where I think my novel's ready enough to start sending out, and I actually got up the nerve to send to the first agent.

Meanwhile I'm reading as much advice as I can on marketing. Most agents these days want you to have a "platform" already. Meaning you should have a gazillion folks who read your blog, have crazy numbers of friends on Facebook. A roiling mob just waiting to buy your book the moment it's published.

And as part of that you're supposed to tweet.

Now, I used to consider myself a geek. I fixed some major issues on my PC Junior (yeah that's how old I am) just by reading the technical manual. It was only my second day of even owning a computer. It was a weekend and tech support was closed, and my only buddy who knew anything about computers was out of town. So I got myself a glass of chardonnay and dug into the 1000 or so page manual, hours later I had a running computer again.

Since then I've learned HTML, CSS, even some minor PHP programming, and a few other acronyms. I've built and run websites, learned to focus on keywords and stuff in the Header text. Recently I've started a blog or four and even accosted the dreaded Facebook.

But this Twitter thing is beyond the scope of my understanding, and I can't figure out how I'm supposed to use it. I must be getting old.

So here are some of the questions I have:

Do I have to use a phone? Out here in the middle of nowhere I don't have cell access. There seems to be a website, so can I just do it on my computer?

I'm terrified of info overload. Right now I spend time working on my blog (even when it's fun) or posting to Facebook when I should be working on my story. It feels like Twitter will just quintuple the problem.

Really, seriously, I don't want to know that you had Cheerios instead of Wheaties for breakfast. I don't need the excruciating details of your conversation with Mom about your third romantic breakup of the week. (Unless it gives me good dialogue for my next scene.) I certainly don't want to know about your latest wet fart. And if you tell me you're bored I'm liable to take a lesson from MY mom and assign you homework.

It's not that I don't care about you. As a High Priestess and counselor I spend a huge part of my time listening and counseling and caring. But I have a farm to run, 8 critters and a hubby to tend to, students that need my time, and my own writing. Somehow I don't think your latest mental bowel movement matters.

Maybe I've got the whole idea wrong. Maybe Twitter isn't like that? Why does everything suggest it is then?

How can I narrow down my field of input so that I get the tweets that are interesting and important, and weed out the everyday nonsense that I don't care about? Can I edit the input?

Where do I find the feeds that I truly want to be a part of?

So I don't want to be a "twit" and I don't want to be the old-fogey I'm starting to feel like. How do I become a Twitter marketing genius instead?

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